you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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