call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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