best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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