the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We were destined to go to rehab together
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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