Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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