The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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