The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
