You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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