My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
