i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
