There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
