hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
