I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
