I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
