thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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