why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
