Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize