Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
