Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
