This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
