She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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