I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she told me i tasted like america
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
