I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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