it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
