i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Do vagina's smell?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
