I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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