Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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