so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
