You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
How's work?
Spinning.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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