Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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