I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
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She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
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My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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