I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
