we have officially lost it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
