There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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