i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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