plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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