I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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