Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
