My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Randomize
