I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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