Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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