yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
