what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
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I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
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Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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