just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
