no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
