nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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