No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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