I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
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