i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
