Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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