i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
