Plan B is the new Plan A
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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