I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
