How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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