I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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