wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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