great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
