I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
