I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
