just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
