Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
