But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
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You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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