i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize