exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
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The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
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You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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